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"Today's newsletter came on a day where I was particularly needing to read exactly this - thank you <3" - How Kind reader
I hope you're having a great week so far, wherever you are in the world. I just wanted to start by saying thank you for being here. I've been incredibly touched and moved by the response I've gotten for my writing so far. The most recurring sentiment I've heard from these folks is how honest, genuine, refreshing, and necessary these words are (please excuse my blushing!!).
Oh, how I underestimated the power of just being genuine! We are bombarded by carefully crafted posts on social media all day. They're being tailored to what the algorithm will like the best (which changes all the time anyway) - not necessarily what will resonate with actual humans the most. And when we just try to speak clearly, directly to people... who would've guessed that would resonate more?
It's the old adage - just be yourself! But what does that actually mean?
I say - quit the corporate speak! The buzzwords! The latest trends! The circling backs, the ROIs, the OKRs, the 0-1s, the I-hope-this-email-finds-you-wells! Can we talk like actual people again?
In my time working at b i g c o r p o r a t e, I've noticed how performative everything can feel at times. When I first joined, I was eager to be accepted, to prove that I belonged there. In my one-on-one chats, everyone reassured me that, yes, I did - through their welcoming, kind, and authentic personalities. I felt like they were speaking directly to me, and being their genuine selves.
Skip ahead to my first group meetings, and everything changed.
In a group setting, especially with leadership present, it was almost like everyone switched to playing a completely different character. They were using all the corporate speak, all the formalities, and many, many internal acronyms that no one stopped to explain to me and other newcomers. It made us feel like outsiders - it immediately othered us since we didn't know the language. And because I was trying to assimilate and belong, I thought that was the way I needed to act as well.
What ends up happening is that you try to fill up space with a lot of fluff. A lot of impressive-sounding technical words. But in the end, your message becomes more confusing and verbose than anything.
Throughout my years in the industry, it never really felt natural to me to adopt this vocabulary or attempt to play a role that wasn't me. I thought that was the only way to make people perceive me as capable, smart, and like I belonged there.
But there were a few folks around me who resisted - and they were still crushing it and getting their messages across. Actually, it was their authenticity that helped make them successful and gave them a unique voice. These folks were living proof that I could be myself and still be successful! Truly, throughout my career, I've been told that it's my honest, genuine personality that sets me apart, that comforts people, and (when I'm teaching) that makes things finally click for them.
Is this the real life?
It's worth remembering that everything we see online is based on what pleases our algorithmic overlords the most; they curate an extreme version of reality, not actual reality. And that goes for how we speak online. If a post using all matter of technical lingo and "professional-sounding" words gets tons of engagement - that's what the algorithm will favor. And when that happens enough, we start thinking that that is how we should speak too.
In his TED talk Why Are People Starting to Sound Like ChatGPT?, linguist Adam Aleksic states that:
"These aren't neutral tools. Everything that ends up in your social media feed or in your chatbot responses is actually filtered through many layers of what's good for the platform, what makes money, and what conforms to the platform's incorrect idea about who you are."
And in a world where people are starting to sound the same, thanks in large part to Generative AI influencing the way we speak, it means we're starting to think the same as well.
So let's reinforce actual reality by speaking clearly, honestly, and authentically. Let's drop the masks we think we need to wear because it's what the algorithm is showing us. Please don't forget - you do have a voice! And it is different from every single person out there. It's when we come together and combine our perspectives (and our voices!) that the best work is done.
I know that, in many cases, this is easier said than done. I acknowledge the many reasons why we change the way we speak and mask our true selves. There are deep, systemic issues in our society because of capitalism, oppression, racism, sexism, colonialism, etc., that make it so people have no choice but to code-switch and assimilate. Frequently, it can mean the difference between life or death, safety or fear, success or instability.
So within your limits, I invite you to think about the masks you find yourself wearing every day. How do they affect the way you share your thoughts, ideas, and voice with others? What would it mean to use your honest, authentic voice? How can we be more honest in the way we interact with the world every day?
And I invite the leaders out there, the people with a platform, with influence - use your authentic voice. Show the people who look up to you that it's ok. You have a voice, and you should use it. That's what people what to hear!
Let's all try to speak more clearly, directly, honestly, and without performance.
Don't forget that you have your own unique voice. Don't let anything or any bot or anyone else take it from you.
If you have a few more min...
Check out my newest long-form essay: You are an expert
A reminder that you're exactly where you need to be.
Before we go
Thank you very much for reading, from the bottom of our heart. A special, huge thank you to my paid subscribers.
My mission is to make this a true conversation, so please share what's on your mind! Got a question for me? A burning topic on your mind? Thoughts on this issue? Comment below, share with a friend you think might find this interesting, or write me at howkind@mateusdasilva.com :-)
Kindly yours,
Mateus Da Silva
🎷This was issue #3 of How Kind, spreading kindness, one newsletter at a time. See the full archive here. Enjoying the newsletter? Consider subscribing for free (or upgrading to a paid subscription) or tipping me!
